Ever Green
by Tashhhh
Summary: Hmm so little is known about Nel so far in the series. I wonder what her life was like in the past and how she got to be where, who, and what she is? ch 8: There will be OCs. And blood. But just a little.
1. Destiny Awaits

Ever Green

Rating: T, for mild language, themes, maybe a little violence, who knows.

Summary: This is about Nel's life before she became an Espada, and a little bit of what went on there too - contains life, death, hollows, arrancars, friends and foes, aizen, shinigami, a little bit of gin, and a lot of sand! all that good stuff.

Hello, reading audience. I know I'm working on another story at the moment, but I really have most of this planned out, and I want to get it out there before the manga gets ahead and crushes all my hopes and beliefs.

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1. Destiny Awaits 

"Nel-chan."

Seeing a red gleam on the back of my eyelids.

"Nel-chan."

Groans.

"Good morning!"

Opening my eyes to shut them tight at the light of a sunny Tuesday morning during a particularly sticky-hot August.

"Wake up, alright," my mother leaves my room. I wake up to get dressed for another day of school.

I am (or at least I was) just an ordinary 15-year-old girl living in Japan. My full name is Neliel Tu Oderschvank. Not very japanese-sounding is it? Well my dad was a businessman from America of some eastern european descent. My mother is japanese, and they met on one of his trips. Eventually, they got married and settled down and had me, their child. But my dad died while on a cruise with his co-workers when I was 5, so now I just live with my mother in a 3-room apartment (two bedrooms, a main room, a toilet, and 2 closets). Anyway, back to my story.

So there I was, eating pancakes with my mom for breakfast. I kissed her goodbye and left to catch my bus. I always picked up the mail for our place on my way out, so I did so. In the mail, there was a thick envelope, adressed to me. There was no return address, stamp, or delivery address. Only my name, Neliel. I boarded the bus and opened up the envelope on the way. I pulled out a warning, such as I had been receiving periodically for a few months.

Three photographs. A girl with thick eyelashes, and dark-blonde hair down to her waist, wearing a school uniform with a cream blazer and red pleated skirt reaching just above her knees. Capturing the images of myself. The first one was taken from high up window or balcony as I was walking. The second showed a glimpse of me inside the window of a bus, taken from an alley at a low camera angle. Instinctively, my eyes darted out the windows. Someone could be watching me right now. As a bead of sweat rolled down my neck, I looked at the last photograph. A high-quality shot of my face. I was dressed in my pajamas, scratching my left cheek, just along the pink birthmark across my face. My dark brown eyes seemed to look almost straight into the camera angle. The closest picture I had ever received of myself. On the back of the photo, was written with a Sharpie (don't own!):

_owari da_

So there you have it. I'm just your average half-japanese 10th grader living with her mother in the city. I go to school, I get decent grades, I know a few people. And I had a stalker.

You might wonder, now, why I didn't tell my mother about it. Well, I'm not really sure, but I know teenagers often hide their troubles from their parents for various reasons. Why haven't you told yours? You're pregnant. You're failing a course. You're thinking of killing yourself. You think someone _else _wants to kill you. You broke up with him, and they wonder why he hasn't come to your house in a month. Because you're embarassed, or scared to say you failed. You don't want them to think you're weak and hate you. You want to wait until you can show them that report card of straight A's and never mention that last one you didn't show them with the two F's.

I don't think I'll ever know who it was, but I did see someone once I thought was watching me. It was after school on a rainy afternoon. It fell heavily all around, creating a drowning sound as I leaned my ear against the window. I was looking out the bus window and as lightning struck and revealed the corners of an alley, I saw a figure. It was a man, and he was extremely thin, and very tall, but it looked like he was wearing very poofy pants and a strangely styled hood. I think he must have been about 8 feet. I couldn't see the details of his face very well because I saw him in high contrast, and only for a split second in that flash of light. I have no idea if he was or wasn't my stalker, but the memory is there because of how nervous I was at the time, and since I was looking for someone staring at me, the appearance of this tall body struck unprecedented fear in my heart. It just shows how paranoid I was, that this completely irrelevant memory has had such an impact on me, and for no aparrent reason.

I should have told my mom, but I didn't. It was too late anyway. That night, I walked the last block to my apartment complex and went right into our home on the first floor. I went to my room and did my homework like always. I ate my dinner of spaghetti and meatballs quietly while my mother looked at me with a worried expression, wondering when she'd find the courage to ask me what was wrong. But like I already said, it was too late.

Next morning, my mother never woke me up. I got out of bed by myself and stepped on something wet. Then I noticed the breeze. The window was open. I turned around to redo the covers of my bed, and I froze. And then I simply stood there, staring at the view in front of me. It was me! Only my wavy hair around my shoulders was mingled with a sticky red substance—half dried blood. After what felt like hours, but was probably only about 10 minutes, I examined my dead self. No, actually, it was just a dead body that I used to inhabit now. Just a normal human body, except that it had stopped functioning. The cheek felt cold, and no air flowed in or out of the nostrils. The cause of my death was several wounds around the neck. There was a gash horizontally across the middle of the neck and then 4 stab marks on my neck, collarbone, and chest area. I guess he slashed my neck first and then took a few stabs for fun while the blood was still flowing. Maybe he used chloroform first and had some 'fun'. It would explain why I wasn't jerked awake realizing that someone had just stabbed me. I think he must have knocked me out, otherwise I would have woken up from the pain in the few seconds I was still technically alive. There was blood all over the sheets, and a pool of it had formed on the floor near my bed. My new spiritual body or soul form or something looked exactly the same as I always had, except for a chain attached to my chest, which I didn't think much of at the time. Stranger danger, kids. Trust those who have trust to give.

Speaking of my family, as I was wondering what to do next, and about to start analyzing my current situation, my mom called, "Nel-chan, wake up!" I shivered involutarily. "Nel-chan, are you getting up?"

"Mom, I'm…" I started voicing back to her, but didn't know what to say. Hey, mom, yea I'm dead, see ya later!

"Hello?" she started walking across the hall. I felt trapped and I didn't know what to do. "MOM!" I shouted, to no response. "NO, PLEASE DON'T COME IN HERE!!" Why couldn't she hear me? I was shouting quite loudly, I think.

"Oh, Nel-chaaaaan," she said cheerfully as she opened the door, and I didn't even try to hold it shut, just back away.

She looked in the room. I stared into her eyes, realizing she couldn't look back into mine. She couldn't hear or see me in this form, apparently. After a minute or two of silence, an expression started forming on her face. Her cheeks started rising, eyebrows furrowing, and she began taking centimeter paces with shaking fingers and her body tensing up everywhere with adrenaline.

I couldn't watch it any longer. I didn't want to see what happened next. I climbed out the open window, and ran as far away, as fast as I could. I started hearing screams at the edge of my hearing range, and sped up my pace. I came to the house of one of my classmates. Finally, tears and sobs came to my body as I curled up in the bushes of the garden and, at grief for my own death and the sadness my mother and the girl sleeping right through the window two stories above my head. Loneliness and helplessness. What should I do now? Where would I go? No one could hear me, no one could see me. I hadn't a friend in the world to go to for comfort, save this one girl who would never know that her friend—I mean _former_—friend spent the first night after her death, in her own garden right outside her front porch. Curled up there in a little ball, against the small comfort that didn't know it was giving itself to me. The mental wall holding back emotions came loose, and they silently streamed down my face, getting my cheeks and sleeves all wet. I must have fallen asleep like that.

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Please tell me what you think! I have already written a few chapters ahead, and will post them soon. Maybe they'll come faster if you review : D 


	2. Battle Ignition

Ever green

I know my story has a really lame title... if anyone thinks of a better one feel free to tell me.

dizc1Aim3rZSz: i cl0eS n07 oWn t3h 3le4cH

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2. Battle Ignition

I woke up later in the afternoon-early-evening. I felt this purpose in getting up, somehow. If you're somewhat groggy in the morning, you know the difference. Mostly you kind of fall back asleep for 10-20 minutes, and then you crawl out of bed slowly and get dressed. But, ocassionally, you will just get up and awaken pretty fast. It was the latter situation. I just was really, really alert for some reason. After a few minutes, I couldn't understand why my anxiety kept rising. Some instinct of danger was working its way through my brain, starting up the adrenaline. Then, I received a signal from one of my more familiar senses—sound. I heard a branch crack. Small noises can be extremely jump-triggering when everything is quiet and you're alone. I immediately became more alert, and stood up, looking around. Then I heard some heavy breathing from beyond the corner of the house, and it sounded not-so-human to me. So, not wanting to find out what it was, I turned on my heal and walked down the sidewalk in the opposite direction. I noticed the shadows against the trees, and the sound of heavy footsteps in the distance. I started walking faster, and when I turned a corner into an alley, I saw it right there!

It was definetly one of the uglier hollows I've seen, even now looking back on the many I've experienced. Of course, at the time, I had no idea what it was, just that it seemed like a good idea to get the hell away from it. It seemed to move like a zombie at first, but when I broke into a run, it's predatorial instincts (I figured) took over, and then I was being chased by my first hollow. I started yelling and calling for help, but there was no one coming. I started thinking maybe this was the life fated to all dead people—to be chased by evil monsters until they died for good. Then I mentally slapped myself. Who cares what or why?? Just get the hell out of there and keep yourself alive! Running blindly, I eventually came to a dead end.

Then I thought,_ oh shit… _somehow, I turned around to face my doom. I started trying to calm myself down and find a way out. I wondered if it was actually that strong. It started staring me down and I started back into its yellow eyes beyond the mask, trying not to look scared as if to encourage it on its helpless prey. I did realize, though, that it was actually smaller than me. It lunged at me with its mouth open, as if it was going to try and bite me. Then it was the best here-goes-nothing moment ever. I timed as best I could, and slammed my bare foot upward towards its chin as hard as I could. It fell back, screaching, and I could see that the chin of the hard mask was cracked. Then I felt a wave of confidence, as I saw that I actually stood a chance agaisnt this thing. I stood up tall and started walking forward, and the ugly little creature ran away quite promptly.

"Cool! I did that?!" I praised myself, realizing I wasn't completely helpless. I wondered how I got so strong. I never was particularly athletic when I was alive. Not that I wasn't strong, I probably could have trained myself up if I actually cared, but I had better things to do. Not like I know about the anatomy of souls. I didn't know why there was a chain on my chest, so I figured I probably didn't understand my new body. Of course, I'd learn about the chain soon enough…

After my first little battle, I found a stone wall to sit upon, while I cooled down from all the running. I looked at the setting sun, thinking about my unclear future, and thinking of weird hypothesis of what happens to dead people at this point. I went back to my former best friend's house and slept the night in her garden again.

The next day I woke up early, but not just to the sun. I sat up and leaned back against the wall for a few minutes. I thought I should be feeling better, since yesterday's events, but for some reason, all the grief and loneliness started flooding into my head again. Then it started feeling unnatural, as my head started to physically hurt. The blood started pounding, flowing fast through my head, drowning out the sound of my cries at the pain. I wimpered when I felt this extremely tight feeling on my chest. It was as if someone was squeezing my insides, and trying to pull out the flesh of my chest and at the same time, it was so, so cold. I heard then, a sound like a nail grinding against a very smooth metal surface. I opened the eyes I had closed when my head had started pounding, and looked down to the metallic chain on my chest. I screamed when I realized what was happening—the last chain had somehow detaching itself and had turned the ends of ring into little jaws that were chewing on the next link. "N-NOOOO!!!! Stop, PLEASE! What are you doing? STOOOOP, NOOOO!!!!" My panic rose with the pain. It grew more intense, and I screamed loudly as the jaws finished of the thin bit left of the next ring. I looked down, horrified, to see the chain link dissapear, its job completed.

The physical pain gone, my thoughts started racing around fast in my head. I was barely restraining myself from the state of panicking. What happened when all the links ate each other up? There were only 7 links left on the chain, not including the last one, half-broken. Since it took about a day and the first one was gone, I figured I had a week or so until who-knows-what happened. It was a fearful thought, seeing as the first one had been so painful—it could not mean something good. However, my train of thoughts was derailed by a high shriek. I ran to see what was going on, and I saw something that angered, and at the same time, made me extremely happy! Angry that the same monster which I had warded off the other day, was advancing on a small girl wearing dark brown pigtails and a yellow summer dress. Happy that I noticed that she too had a chain on her chest like me.

"Hey, you!" I shouted. It turned around stupidly. "Yeah, you ugly thingy! Leave her alone!" It growled and came towards me. This time, I summoned up all my courage and ducked, kicking upwards on its little crack from last time, causing it to fall up and back. Then while it was falling I took my left fist and tried to punch it in the stomach. But, um… yea, it actually had a _hole_ through its freakin' stomach. Then it stretched its neck forward, mouth open and jaws aiming for my head. In reponse I brought my other hand up and punched it on the nose, getting a nice bruise for making contanct with that hard, bone-like substance. It recoiled, wailing, but my hand was still through its hole. So, I pulled off a stunt which just made too much sense at the moment _not_ to. Twisting my body to the right, I put turned my left elbow so my palm was on its upper back, and reached upward with my right hand in front, grabbing it by the skin around its neck. I thrusted my body forward with all my strength, and down it came. It's head made hard contact with the concrete and its mask completely shattered.

I caught my breath as it dissolved into dust. I turned to the little girl, but then had another realization, and I turned back away from her. I had never killed someone before! I mean it was kind of ugly and no one would miss it, but was it really okay to kill it? I hesitated slightly as I turned to the girl and looked her in the eyes. What would she think of me now that she had seen that? In her young eyes, I saw apphrension, but when she saw that I, too, was nervous, she realized I was not a beast, and that look of anxiety was replaced by a happy smile of admiration. Admiration? Cool, I thought as the little girl flung her arms around me, thanking me. I put my hand on her back. She looked up.

"No," I said. "Thank you." I was so glad I had found _someone_ in this lonely, empty existence. "What's your name, girl?" I asked.

"My name is Mika, what's yours?" she said.

"Neliel." I responded. "Umm, so… " I started as easily as I could after a moment of awkward silence. "You, uh, died?"

"Yea," she said, trying to sound like we were talking about something normal, as I was. "So we really are dead, right?" she kept on. "because my mommy was crying and I tried to speak to her but it looked like she couldn't see me. And I've been wandering around since two days ago."

"How did you die?" I blurted out, but then I realized my error and took it back. "Wait, I mean, uh… you don't have to tell me if its sad or you don't want to or something."

"I had cancer."

"Oh."

"Yea."

"Neliel-san?"

"… I got stabbed."

"Ew!" she exclaimed at first. But then she pursued the topic. "by who?"

"Maybe I shouldn't tell a little girl," I mumbled to myself, "But oh well who gives a damn. I got killed by a stalker."

"Stalker?"

"Yea. I mean some guy who I don't know who he was was sending me pictures of myself in the mail. And then when I woke up yesterday morning, I just kind of stepped out of my body and then I turned around and saw that I was dead. By stabs. And blood…"

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Hmm."

It was a strange sort of conversation. You've probably experienced it a few times before. You both want to talk about the subject, yet, it's a topic that's usually uncomfortable to talk about for most people, so you try to appear as if you aren't that interested, but keep talking about it anyway because you actually want to know.

"So, what about you? How did your death go?"

"Well I had leukemia, and I was dying. I was in the hospital. My mommy and daddy and my little brother were in the room. I sort of felt myself blacking out, like I was really tired. I wasn't sure if I was dying or not. I tried to say something but I didn't know what to say or think and it was physically difficult to speak, so I just moaned and groaned a little. Then I blacked out. A while later, I think a few hours actually, I woke up and everyone was gone from the room. The lights were off, the door was locked shut, and all the little tubes and thingies that were connected to me before were hanging out. Then I figured that I must have died, and this must be my soul seperated from my physical body. Because they wouldn't have just left me in the room, I mean that doesn't make any sense! And then later I figured out that nobody could see me or hear me."

"But how did you get out if the door was locked?"

"Oh, I mean, duh! It was locked from the outside! You know like in schools how the doors all lock from the outside so if you are inside you can get out easy."

"Oh yea."

After that exchange, we sat there on the concrete ledge. I found myself not minding that Mika was leaning agaisnt my shoulder. In truth, I was really happy to have a companion now. I was hoping at first for someone more knowledgeable or stronger so they could explain the situation, or protect me from the weird hole-mask monsters, but I found I really didn't mind being the older sister. It feels really good to know that someone genuinely respects or admires you, not out of fear or domination, but from a choice made entirely with her own mind, and not or warped by anyone else's threats or hints. After some ten or twenty minutes of sitting in silence, enjoying the peace, I felt the urge to take the initiative again, and stop waiting around.

"Alright, Mika." I said. She looked up at me. "Well actually, never mind… I don't know… Oh wait, I know!" she giggled at my indecisivness. "We just died yesterday and the day before, so they'll have funerals for us! Although… on the other hand, going to our own funerals might make us sad…"

"We could at least go see how our families are doing."

"You're right. When my mom came in my room, I was so scared of what her reaction to my death would be, that I ran away!"

"But it's been a few days so they might have calmed down."

"For me it was just yesterday. We should see your family first."

"But you only lived with your mother! She is probably more lonely than my family is!"

"Well it's not like they can see us anyway, we aren't going to keep them company, you know."

"Oh, right. Ok, we will go to my house then?"

"Yes!" I agreed.

I let Mika take the lead, and we strolled along, more cheerfully than we should have maybe, but after awhile, I have found that it does no good to feel sad just because you think you should be. It's ok to embrace happiness when it is there, even if you don't understand the reason.

After a peaceful walk, we came to a small house. "Ok, this is my house!" Mika announced. We stepped up on to the porch together. Somehow, the day had flown by. Looking inside the window at a clock hanging on the wall in the living room, I saw that it was already 3:00.

"My mommy will come home soon. She comes home from her part-time job early so she's there when my bro comes home from school. Oh by the way, I'm 11 and he's 7. Actually, it looks like he's already home." I looked into the window. A little boy with a clean black haircut was lying on the couch, asleep. From the blue shadows flashing on and off the back wall that was visible to us from this angle, I could tell he had fallen alseep while the T.V. was on.

"Perhaps he hasn't been well enough to go to school today or yesterday, because… you know…" I trailed off.

"Yeah, I know," said Mika.

"Well, I hope he gets better soon, then… I really don't know what to say, I'm sorry."

"It's ok."

"So that aside, how are we going to get in without him noticing? You have a back door or an open window or something?"

"Well I said my mom comes home really soon, and it's already… 3:08," she glanced at the clock inside the house as I had. "So we could just wait until she comes, oh there she is!"

A red ford escort passing down the street slowed down, and then it pulled into the driveway. A woman wearing a white collar shirt and a plum straight skirt stepped out. She had short, hair of the same shade as Mika, with a slight wave to it. She was of medium build and slightly below-average height, her face had it's proper share of youthish beauty and the beginning visible traces of maturity. In all, she was a pretty normal, if not somewhat average-looking person.

Mika and I jumped and stepped aside as the woman advanced onto the small porch and unlocked door with her key. As she opened the door with her right hand, and the knob on the right, luckily, this caused her to open the door fairly wide as she stepped inside. Mika darted inside between her body and the doorframe, and I did so as well while I had the chance. We both stood up and looked back at her as she shut the door and turned around.

She stared right into my eyes, but the light being percieved by her brain was only that that reflected of the wall behind me. She looked over at the sleeping boy, and walked over to him, kneeling by the couch. As if following her mother's example, Mika manuvered herself to be just in front of her mother's lap, crouching down, looking up at her face that gazed at his. The boy stirred. She put a hand to his cheek. Mika, curiously and slowly, raised her left hand and grazed one of the thin strands of hair on her mother's forehead, as lightly as she could manage. She flinched her hand back as the woman brought up her other hand to scratch her forehead.

"Mom…" mumbled the boy, his droopy eyelids barely opening.

"I'm here," she said.

"Mom…" mimicked Mika.

Nothing. Mika stayed still for a few seconds. Then she took in a deep breath, and "ooh"-ed loudly into the woman's face.

Still no response.

It wasn't as if Mika had expected the woman to hear her. I believe she was taking one last test, or a confirmation of her state. Just to realize it more fully and beter grasp the reality of the situation in her young mind.

"Nel-chan, wanna see my room?" she asked, distracting herself from the depressing scene of hurt and comfort. "Yes, I'd love to see it," I replied. The door was shut, but somehow no one noticed when we opened, went in, and closed it.

"Hey, Mika-chan," I said, thinking of something I had seen in books and movies. "You were in the hospital for how long before you died?"

"I was there for over a month!" she stated.

"Does your room look like anything has been moved around?"

"Hey, you're right! Now that you said that, it looks just the same as when I left it! I mean the plates on my bed over there where I was eating while watching tv, my mom would have taken them away, but it looks like she didn't. Hey, how did you figure that out?"

"Oh, actually it's just something I sometimes saw in drama movies and books—sometimes when a family's child dies, or when someone is in a coma in the hospital, they don't touch their room at all, and they leave it exactly how it was when the person last left it. I don't know why, I think it's because… it could be for respect, or that it hurts them inside and brings up the painful memories. And sometimes its so when the person comes home and they didn't die, they have an easier time adjusting."

"Hmm, you're right. It does feel nice this way," she commented gently.

After that exchange, we hung around and I read a book from Mika's shelf while she drew a picture. 15 minutes passed and then the front door opened and closed. I heard some talking. Mika and I carefully went back through the hallway. The three seemed to be preparing for departure of the house. Mika's mother was now wearing less color than previously observed, as was the little boy. They left their home, unknowingly followed by their child and a stranger.

To where, I had a fairly good educated guess.

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wow, this might be the longest chapter i've ever written! It was around 6 pages in ms word. then again, I am writing first and dividing later, so that is another thing. I tried to make most of my chapters have about the same amount of events in them. If a certain paragraph has a good finality too it, that's a good place to cut off, and if a chapter is too long, it can be split so that each chapter goes through 2-4 main events or themes. somehow, though, the first chapter was really short even though i felt like it had a lot of stuff happening, but when i looked back, i realized it didnt... then i was somewhat dissapointed, but i didn't 


	3. Requiem for the Lost Ones

Ever Green

hi readers! this is coming along nicely, i think. i'm gonna try to put some more cool stuff in... oh its gonna be awesome when she turns into a hollow... i hope i don't screw it up too badly! I'm trying to figure out how i'm gonna fit all the people in this story in, like when do pesche and dondo chakka come in and who invites Nel to the espada (aizen or gin? or maybe someone else?) and why did she join: boredom/forced/willingly? and how many years were spent in/exiled from the espada? pairings are always fun too, but keep in mind that they will break up by the end of the fic... _if _there are any.

Oh! also i decided on a chapter naming-scheme, so all the titles are different!

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3. Requiem for the Lost Ones

We silently followed them out the door. The father took the passenger seat, and the child sat on the right seat in the back. Mika and I had stealthily snuck into the car when the door opened and were sitting in the left seat, with her in my lap, so we wouldn't accidentally touch him. When the car stopped, there were some other people waiting as well. We followed Mika's family around for some time, bearing with their brief conversations, and the melancholy atmosphere of the whole thing.

"This is…" said Mika.

"Yes," I confirmed.

I was deep in thought as the group of about 12 people, including Mika's family watched silently as the body was lowered into the ground and covered. I didn't pay much attention as several people made speeches, but Mika was. After a few minutes, her parents began to get emotional. A small bowlcut girl about Mika's age was crying in the older womans arms. Her mother stared with a lost expression and her father's head was lowered. He then stepped forward and said some speech about lessons and values his daughter's life has taught us all, and some other nostalgic stuff. Like I said earlier, I really didn't pay attention to what was said. But I had thought a young girl dying of cancer would merit more gatherers than this small crowd. Stories like hers often got onto the news, or sometimes you would see little carboard bins in shops asking you to donate to research with the face of some child and a caption the about how they were living with disease. I thought about my own death at this point. Would any of my former classmates come to my ceremony? If my mother was the only one attending, would there even _be_ a funeral? Maybe I was seriously underrating myself in terms of having people who care about be, but then again, maybe not. In the end, I never got the chance to find out.

At some point, I felt a hand grip the sleeve of my shirt. I put my arms aroud Mika, and allowed her to take comfort in the gesture. She was crying too. I didn't know what to do but hold her and stroke her hair caringly. We stayed like that long after everyone had left. Mika had calmed down. I stood up, with her still in my arms, and carried both of us over to the new tombstone. It was a standing up type, so I settled us down in back of it (so as not to disturb the flowers and tokens of rememberance), and like that, we fell alseep together for the last time.

I woke up in the night to find the space next to me empty. I gasped and looked around nearby. I called out for Mika, but my calls were not returned. Then I heard a low roar in the distance. Another one of those monsters. I ran over the stones and through the fields, towards the source of the noise. I found myself running through a park and then to the side of a river. What I saw was my companion, on the ground, staring up at it, shaking, probably from terror. Not to mention, I had to wonder how it managed to scare her into running away from my protection without even waking me up! This one was much larger, and much more powerful—I could tell by how it emitted a sort of strong energy that I could feel. It opened its jaws, closing in for a finishing crunch.

"NO!!!" I screamed, and ran out towards it. It straightened up and turned to face me. I ran towards it, planning on punching it in the gut (this one had a hole on its chest), but before I got close, something slammed into me. Next thing I know, I was leaning agaisnt the concrete wall of a bridge, and I collapsed into the brush, wet grass. It said something like, "Wait your turn, woman! I'll get to you when I've finished devouring this small child—hahaha!" I saw red on my left arm in front of me. I then realized a sharp pain in my abdomen. My head was probably bleeding from the smashing impact on the wall, and likewise, I started feeling drowsy. I looked up, fearing for Mika's life as well, but what I saw was totally unexpected. Someone else had come – a man in a black kimono was clashing his sword agaisnt the creature's limbs. He gripped his sandal-clad foot agaisnt the ground and jumped to the side away from Mika, letting the monster's gaze following its new challenger. My head dropped. I couldn't see anything anymore.

"Hehe, bring it on, _shinigami!_" the creature mocked. After a while and sounds of exchanging blows and shouts of excitement, the predator yelled despairingly, shouting obscenities as it evidentally died.

"_There, there, little girl. You're safe now."_

"_Who…"_

"_I am a shinigami. I am going to send you on alright?"_

"…_But—"_

"_Do not worry. I won't hurt you with this blade. You are going to the Soul Society. There you will start a brand new life. I'm sure you'll make many new friends there, and you'll be safe from the hollows."_

"_Hollows?"_

"_That monster that was trying to eat you. That was a hollow. Now please relax as I perform the konso."_

"_wait—"_

_click._

"…_nn…Nel…"_

_fading footsteps…_

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oh also, i'm sad that my little ulqiuorra one-shot didn't get any reviews... I have a sequel, but I guess I shouldn't bother posting it 


	4. On the Verge of Insanity

Ever Green

x ) i typed this up starting at 10:45, resulting in the current time that i am posting it being 12:03... A.M. i mean... well to anyone who is actually reading this... hope you like...

edit: DAMN THAT GLITCHY THINGS IN THIS SITE IS ANNOYING I KEPT CHECKING BACK EVERY LIKE 10 MINUTES TO SEE IF IT WAS FIXED COZ I REALLY WANTED 2 UPLOAD THIS GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

ok. i'm done. pls enjoy x3

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4. On the Verge of Insanity 

Alone.

My head hurts. Why does the breeze feel so dull on my skin?

After a length of time I could not percieve, I managed to lift myself up agaisnt the wall in a sitting position. I crawled down to the river and took off my top to wash myself. Luckily the wound across my front was not very deep. The one on my arm was quite nasty looking and it hurt whenever I moved my arm, as if I was pulling on old, stiff rubber, cracked and held together by cheap glue. For my head, I bent down and submerged it in the cold river. I turned over onto my back and rinsed out my hair a bit. The cold liquid on my scalp felt so nice. Afterwards, I redressed in my wet, now ripped and bloodstained, pajama top.

Since I didn't feel like facing the world again, I crawled back up agaisnt the wall, shuffled some of the brush around to conceal my figure better, and went back to sleep.

Later in the day, I woke up again, but this time, a wave of emotions came to me as I sat there. I had finally found a friend, and then she was gone, so quickly. Once again, loneliness and despair took over and I found myself fighting tears as I sat silently, hugging my knees to my chest.

But sometimes… damn, I wish fate would let me find some peace! I was broken out of my resting and grieving when a powerful feeling rushed into my body, alerting me of the presence of another hollow. I don't know what came over me then, but I snapped out of my silent self-pity and stood up. I felt my hands trembling on their own, so I tightened them into fists, but this only heightened my instincts. Next thing I knew, I was running over the bridge past a small convenience store and a CD shop. I found a lizard-like hollow lurking in the alley between the cd shop and the next set of buildings, and I charged at it.

The poor little creature never stood a chance, even though all I used was my bare fists. I puched it straight into the bridge of its nose, and then used my body weight to stomp down my feet into snapping its neck. At that point I felt another threat behind me that I hadn't noticed while hunting down the first hollow, but it couldn't overcome my instincts. I spun around, the muscles in my arm tight as I held my left arm up to block the teeth of another small, bird-dinosaur-shaped hollow. Somehow, the bite didn't even penetrate my flesh, although the fangs appeared sharp enough that they might have severed my arm in a normal battle agaisnt a human and a predator! I simply jerked my hand forward and back to knock it off and out of flight, and then used the same arm to elbow it hard in the skull, shattering the mask and killing the little flier.

Then, a minute later, as I was catching my breath, I walked out of the alley to find yet _another_ hollow, awaiting me.

"Think you're so tough, eh little girl?" it started boasting and bragging about how I was inexperienced, or that I was an inferior sort of being to it—some crap like that. But I gave it a good kick, and when it got back up to counter, I caught the offending limb and threw the hollow up into the air, spinning around to kick it into the gas pump. Luckily, my reaction kicked in just as I realized what I had done, as I threw myself to the ground. Once the explosion passed, I stood up, running before people, or worse, other dead people, hollows or that shinigami guy from earlier, showed up. I rolled on the ground to put out the flames currently eating away at my right sleeve, pant leg, and the skin on my wrist. I stood up against the wall, and, blindly following it for support, found myself in the alley where I had hunted down the first nuisance.

Dropping to my knees, my back arched, my chin lifted up to the sky. My scream of frustration brought heat to my face, and a trembling movement to my limbs. I didn't even remember the self-conscious notion of avoiding the attention that such a cry could cause.

In this moment, I was so frustrated and angry, and not sure who or what I was angry about, or to whom I should direct the blame to calm myself. Because I was in this lost state, I wasn't paying attention to anything. I didn't notice that I wasn't alone till I suddenly heard the soft splash of a puddle. And then…

He came.

In that moment, my head raised to the best of its circumstantial ability, and I let my eyes focus on the person who had come before me in the alley. I beheld a brunette man of slightly-above-average height, yet holding his stance in a manner causing him to seem tall, strong, and steady. His eyes, matching his hair, seemed gentle yet firm, but with a sparkle behind them that would suggest to one to use caution when seeking the truth of the intent behind them. Although at first glance, he appeared to wear a kind expression with the slightest hint of a smile on his lips, it was in fact, quite a blank expression, devoid of emotion. From his countence, I could only guess that he could intended either the very best, or the absolute worst.

He advanced towards me, and then, in a deep, smooth voice, carrying the same sort of feeling as his facial expression, he spoke to me, or perhaps he was merely commenting indifferently.

"How very interesting. You are merely a plus. It is curious that a such simple being as yourself could contain such an incredible capacity to fight!"

He had moved a lot closer during this sentence, and now his right hand held the chain attached to my chest, lightly playing with it. My instinct cried out in protest at the gesture—somehow the touch gave me a feeling as if I was showing my naked body to the stranger. At the same time, I had no strength to move away. And the man kept talking,

"And defeating all those hollows all by yourself. Not even a weapon on you," he chuckled. "I must admit that I am _quite_ impressed.

"Now… would you like me to help you on your way? But let's not be so quick to decide your fate. You have plenty of links left and time yet to decide for yourself." He adjusted his thick-framed glasses, as in a gesture of wisdom and superiority. At this point in his monologue, he was now cornering me, almost in a position to hold me agaisnt the wall. I stared apprenensively, not sure wether to take comfort or be afraid. He continued,

"Very well… I know just what to do with you. Would you like to go to the Soul Society? I have the power to give you the easy passage to the next life. But you know what? I have no intention of doing so. Instead, you will… _choose your own path!_"

And at that phrase, my eyes widened as his right hand tightened around the chain. I could feel the sheer power emanating from the grip. My voice somehow lost, I could barely protest as he put his left palm agaisnt my chest, pressing me hard into the wall. The right hand moved forward and although I realized at the last moment what he was going to do, I was paralyzed somehow, and completely powerless to stop him. Be afraid.

He pulled.

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killing sprees are fun : ) more characters in anime need killing sprees. like grimmjow. and ururu. and ichigo. and kenpachi... wait he actually got 1... but most of all, any characters that are constantly oppressed and beaten down should have lots of fanfic with them going insane and killing every1. but nell isnt really oppressed or beaten down. she's just really pissed off here... I like Nel. I think its because she's a lot like me. I'm not just saying that, honestly. I think she's probably the anime character so far that is most like me overall. oh... i went on a bit of a ramble there... hope i didn't scare anyone. well, see you later! review more and i'll post faster! xD 


	5. Torn Apart

Every Green

HOLLOW TIEM NAO!!1 nope, sorry nel... she has a chance to become a vaizard here, but...

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5. Torn Apart

I couldn't hear. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't tell if it was darkness or my own eyelids blocking my view. All of a sudden I could hear. And it was screaming everywhere, from my imagination or from anyone I didn't know, all around. And the screams faded into echoes. And the echoes distorted into screeching pitches like the pick-up on an electric bass. The sound turned into pain, in my head and chest, the same as when my chain had refluxed upon itself.

And then, the pain started to fade slightly. Even in such agitation, I was able to take my sanity back temporarily using such a slight comfort. Somehow, I was falling, because I felt as if wind was rushing through my hair, but I couldn't even tell my direction relative to the earth… the earth? Where on earth was I? It was dark everywhere… but somehow in that moment when the pain lessened, my senses were able to feel the pull of gravity to tell me I _was_ falling…

And then a bright light appeared in the darkness, and I knew I wasn't blind. It grew, and grew, until it overtook my entire field of vision and I shielded my eyes. Not sure what happened next, but I was sitting on something soft. The fresh scent and straggly, earthly feel of the ground, confirmed grass. I sat up, gazing around me at miles and miles of endless grassland. A soft, warm, spring breeze sent a chill of pleasure down my spine. It was… so very peaceful, bright, and comforting, that I almost forgot about the pain I was feeling in my soul.

However, this vision was practically an illusion. I remembered reality, and as my confusion rose, I stood up, but was knocked back down onto the ground by a tremor. I blinked, and everything had changed. The warm breeze had become suffocatingly hot… within seconds it became cool with a stinging windchill. The sky was black instead of blue, and it was not just the sky above me, but below me and all around me as well. For the miles and miles of grasslands had turned into a shrinking chunk of land, only several meters long. I let out a shout of frustration when the sun disappeared—_come back, please_! I wanted that sun back so badly, and I don't know why. I found myself almost trying to will the sun back into the sky, all in vain. "please…" I cried, pleading for the sky to save me, as I checked underneath me and turned away from the vanishing edge of the earth.

I thought I heard a whisper. My head shot back up towards the sky, and I strained my ears, desperately. "Hello!!" I cried, literally. Something was changing again, the sky was becoming progressively brighter in a red tint, like watching a sunset in reverse, only without the sun. "_Hello!!_" I shouted out, with even more passion than before. The pain was back in my chest again, but I tried my best to ignore it.

"_n…_" a moan. I strained my ears even harder, if possible. "_Nel!_" My hopes skyrocketed, and I frantically spun around, searching the sky for the source. The light was back! Only instead of a sun, it was but the twinkle of a star, shining in a galaxy far away. This was a trick of mind too, however. As if I understood this strange world in the first place, anyways. "Come here!" I shouted, as the voice—which I could now make out to be a female voice, sounding inviting, passionate, and above all, firm and decisive—grew stronger as I tried harder as well. And as the voice grew stronger, the sun grew brighter, as if the star was going to come crashing down on me.

I was reaching towards the sky with my fingertips seemly grazing the light, so far away and at the same time almost close enough to grab and put in a little bottle, like in a child's storybook. "Who are you?" I shouted. "I am… I am…" but somehow, I could not hear what she said. It was a combination of physically not hearing the name, and a misunderstanding, as if having something explained to me in a foreign language. Yet a name is just a name, so why couldn't I grasp it?

"Hurry up! You must take me! This world is collapsing!"

"What? Who are you? What's going on, what is this place?" I rasped, now running towards the light, which seemed to be barely a meter in front of my face and still above my head, but it kept retreating as I ran towards it! "Stop running away from me, dammit!"

"Take me, grab me out of the sky, Nel! Please hurry! I know you are capable!"

"I… got… it…" I struggled out, as my fingers barely brushed the light.

And thus, my luck ran out. For at the same time as the my fingers were about to close around the light and take it, my foot came down on thin air. As I fell away from the solid ground, I looked up to see the intensity of the light decaying fast. "Nooooooooooooo!" I shouted, crying in desperation and anger. Even greater was my regret at having missed this opportunity to grab that bright spirit of mine out of the sky, and at the last moment having tripped and fallen back into nothing. And I did fell back into nothing. My senses gone again, except for the pain, searing in my chest as if I was having a heart attack. I couldn't convulse because all the strength had left my body, but I could feel the moisture of my bangs, wet with my own tears against my face. I thought that this time, perhaps I really was dying. Even the intense pain was fading… and then even that feeling ceased.

* * *

...but she failed. sooo close too! anyway, arrancar is better than vaizard, coz as an arrancar you don't have to deal with having a split soul. hmm... i'm considering wether i should label the genre as angst, because it _is_ kinda angsty so far... but I wasn't intentionally trying to make it _that_ much angst... its just how it is to be a hollow, you know... 


	6. Nothing Can Be Explained

Ever Green

Hey, i finally thought of a better title! at least i think it is good. well its better than 'her story.' that's like the lamest thing ever.

* * *

6. Nothing Can Be Explained 

Stirring slightly, I began to regain some sense of being. So maybe I wasn't dead yet. That I could at least be thankful for, even though I had no clue what was going on at all with myself.

I opened my eyes when I felt a cold breeze on my skin. I sat up, and I did not recognize my surroundings at first, because everywhere I looked was pure white, and it was falling all around from the great, dimly lit, gray sky. I was wearing my old school uniform—cream blazer and faded red skirt—and I was kneeling in front of my school. My legs were starting to get wet from the melting snow underneath me. I stood up and walked into the building. It was very quiet, and dimly lit like the twilight.

When the question came into my mind, I wondered what time it was. At the moment I thought that, I noticed a lump on my chest—or hat it just appeared there when I thought the question? I pulled my cell phone out of my chest pocket.

The time was 1:15 a.m. The middle of the night. So I wandered around the halls a bit, until I got to my homeroom.

I was shocked when I opened the door—there was a class full of students, and they all turned to stare at me! I even recognized the individuals with whom I would converse on most mornings, back when I was alive.

"Miss Oderschvank, it's nice to see you've decided to show up for class," said the teacher scoldingly, as if she was accusing me of ditching, when she should know perfectly well that I have been dead for at least two days—had it even been that long? I had lost track of the exact time since my death.

I took my usual seat beside a boy who I sometimes talked with on a friendly basis. "Alright, now that Neliel-san is here, we can go!" announced the teacher. "Where are we going?" I asked my classmate. "What? You're telling me you ditch for two days, bother to show up for the field trip, and now you've completely forgotten about it?" Field trip? What the heck was he talking about? At the same time, I had already forgotten almost everything related to my school schedule and living plans already.

I followed the students out the door, and we walked in a line like a group of elementary school children. Before I knew it, we were at a cemetery and I was witnessing my second funeral in less than a week! But it wasn't little Mika this time—it was me! Watching my own burial with my classmates past midnight, and they were all acting as if it was all completely normal.

It was then that I got the notion that I might be dreaming. As soon as I thought this, I realized also that I had been involuntarily stepping towards the freshly dug grave. I passed right through one of the men carrying my body as if he or I wasn't solid, and I stood in front of the trench. On the edge of the trench, I felt a hard object at my back, and I realized they were putting the coffin in, moving it straight into me in its path of travel—as if they neither noticed nor cared that I was standing, alive and in front of them. The same reaction was shown on the faces of my peers watching the sight.

Thus, I fell back into the grave, the coffin falling after me. Instead of hitting the cold earth and being crushed by its weight, I kept falling, falling.

Falling back into darkness.

And as I continued to fall, the atmosphere changed from the feel of the murky, dark underground, to fresh, open, ocean air. And then there it was again—the gorgeous, brilliant sun, peaking up above the horizon of a great sea towards which I was falling, and turning the sky from black to a brilliant, soft shade of pink. And therefore, the sea, reflecting the mood of the sky, was red! However, as I grew closer to the water, the day progressed, and the sky and sea turned into their normal blue.

Next thing I knew, I had hit the surface of the sea with such a force that sent painful electric shockwaves down my spine and through my limbs all the way to the tips of my fingers and toes. I knew then that I must be dreaming because the pain was already fading away in exponential decay. In real life, hitting the surface of water from that high a speed would be like from hitting a block of solid concrete, and normally, my body should have been torn apart upon impact.

No. Instead, I was falling through the sea. The water was warm near the surface. It started to get cold after only a few meters, the same as the natural sea. The water was flowing through my hair. It was cold, but it felt nice.

The decrease in falling speed—for in the water a falling object reaches a much slower terminal velocity than in the air, and in a much faster amount of time. Here I had a chance to observe myself again—I could breathe the water, or perhaps I didn't need to breathe at all. One of those, but it's not important.

The motion of the water was causing my clothing to ruffle and wave against my skin. I could tell, even though it was dark and there wasn't much light as deep as I was, that I was now wearing a plain white dress with a V-cut about my chest, thin, plain shoulder straps, knee length and plain cut on the bottom. My feet were also bare again.

It was getting colder and colder, the deeper I went. I relaxed into it, trying not to let the decreasing temperature bother me. It was now too dark to see my hand stretched out in front of my face. Falling, falling—no, more like _sinking, sinking!_ And now it was pitch black all around, and quiet, just as before, except in water instead of air.

I jumped slightly from surprise when I felt my body stop against something soft—sand on the floor of the sea. My head and butt sank into it first, and then the rest of my body settled into the soft sand, deforming its surface to match my curves. It felt so nice like taking a cold mud bath (just guessing here… haha, I have never had a mud bath).

This dream is so annoying, why do I keep falling?!

'_Not again!_' I thought as I sank further into the soft, muddy, ocean floor. I wanted to get up, but I didn't have the willpower to change what was going on, since it was a dream. Instead, I found my hands, forearms, and ankles buried in the mud-sand, which was thick and creamy, liike a solidifying dough. Soon my legs, then my hips, waist, shoulders, sank into it until only my head was aboe the surface. Then only my face. I shut my eyes tightly as I felt sand creeping up the sides of my face, and took a deep breath before I was completely submerged. The squishy, thick, heterogeneous mixture moving all around me. Dark, and I couldn't open my eyes or breathe. Suffocating… I was going to pass out… and then probably die…

For about five seconds I had a vision that was completely separate from my dream. I think there is a slight possibility that it was a flash of information from the real world, but it lasted so short. Aside from that, I hope I was dreaming because what I was was…

A shred of fabric on the ground, stained in dark liquid. A few stains of red on the concrete in front of my… feet? My head felt oddly balanced for being bent down, close to the ground. But what was most disturbing about the scene and myself was the full, satisfied feeling in my body, as if I had just had a delicious holiday feast.

Back to 'reality,' or at least the reality of the moment and the focus of my attention, where I was surrounded, suffocating in cold quicksand that was getting thicker like clay the farther I sunk. But somehow I was still heavy enough to break the thickness of the slow liquid. This did not last for long…

Break! All of a sudden, really bright, and warm colors were shining all around. But it was hot, and getting hotter… and I hit a solid ground. There, I didn't lay for long before the thin, flaky rocks shattered underneath my weight. I burst into a cavern with walls glowing with the same orange-yellow glare, except now it was with its full intesity. And the air in the room was so hot it chocked me almost as much as the sand! As I fell further it got hotter, and hotter. My skin was beginning to sear from the intesity of the heat, and my lungs were steaming, my eyes tearing. Yet I wasn't burning or melting, so the heat just kept getting more and more painful and unbearable until I was sure I must have been screaming! Through a crack of my open eyelid, I could see the bottom I was falling towards.

How predictable—a shining, red lake of molten rock, flowing smoothly, following a wide river throughout endless caverns which could have easily been filled with dissolved bodies of foreign falling objects such as myself.

I once again shut my eyes tightly, and let out more screams, abating the hormones flowing through my body as response to the firey, white-hot pain stabbing my nerves all around. And then just as my dream was about at its climax—

It shattered completely, and I was quiet, and calm, and I felt a cool gentle, natural breeze agaisnt my sk—body… and a warm pressure… on my lips…

And then it stopped. I opened my eyes, and the being above me pulled back. I noticed I was not breathing heavily anymore, or bearing any signs or feelings related to the intense peak of my dream. Discouraging was the lingering pain in my heart, but whatever was to come… I felt that for now, the storm had passed.

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This is the last chapter I have pre-written. But don't worry, I'll have more soon!


	7. 999

Ever Green

Ok.. here is another long chapter. 7 pages on word. I can't really help the length. It's just at whatever point i finish writing about everything i've decided to include.

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7. 999

I opened my eyes, but barely saw anything before I shut them tightly from the light. In a flash all I knew was that there was another something in the wherever with me.

If I had been saved my someone, from whatever was happening to or about me, it would be nice if they at least did it properly. Aren't you supossed to lay an injured person on her back? I was on my side. I opened my eyes, letting them adjust to the light, even though the light itself was very dim. I looked around from where I could see on the floor. I was in some sort of warehouse or similarly constsructed building with a concrete floor, high ceiling, and crates scattered about in the corners.

I looked down in front of me, and there was a person—I think. I assumed it was a male. He was thin and had a human body shape, except he had a mask and a hole through his chest. 'Oh,' I thought, 'I guess he _is_ a hollow then'. He only wore a loincloth around his waist, and white shoes, gloves, and a chest piece, of which I couldn't tell if they were garments or part of his body.

I tried to sit up by bending at the waist and putting my hands underneath me to grab the floor like I normally do, but I had problems with this, and I slipped, falling on my face, whose impact came faster than I had expected. I felt quite disoriented. I noticed my lack of ability to move my fingers. I strained to move my limbs in front of my vision and I saw that I no longer had hands and fingers…

I had hooves! I gasped, and stared for a few seconds. I tried flexing my limbs, which were covered in fur. I tried out my bottom legs too. They felt weird because the feet were much longer, and the knees didn't bend all the way straight. So I was some sort of hooved mammal.

Then I noticed the lack of the expected feeling of cold concrete on my face, cheek touching floor. I lifted my head and pressed it back down to feel a… very unique feeling—something like hard bone, but not as uncomfortable. I shook my head vigorously, but it did not fall off. Something attached to my face too. Could it be a mask? Was I one of those crazy hollows now too?

The hollow guy sitting next to me spoke up then. "Hey, are you alright?"

"Pe—"KYAAH!" I jumped and tried to turn over to my other side, but failed miserably. "Dondo Chakka, come over to this side, he can't see you." The freakily disguised presence from behind me stepped over my body and sat next to the other guy. I let myself calm down and took in the sight of both of them.

'Dondo Chakka' was shorter than the first guy, and fatter. He wore a weird pajama-thing, and his face was really colorful, but equally ugly and scary-looking. Kind of like an evil clown. The kind that haunt the dreams of young children. Anyway, his face was so weird looking that I couldn't tell if it was a mask or not, so I couldn't tell if he was a hollow too, but I suspected so.

"Urrrgh," I moaned. "Woo're uh guyth…" I tried to speak, but the words came out mumbled. Possibly the anatomy of my face had changed too? "Thrry," I blurred out.

"It's ok," said the thin one. "Maybe you're just not used to talking. Try talking really slow and notice all the movements of your mouth."

"SSSsssss… t-top, Bueeeinng, sush—Stop being such a smart-ass," I grumbled.

"Whaa? Why, you, I was just tryin' ta help!" he started indignantly. "C-careful, Pesche, don' startle 'im now!"

"Urgh! What is wrong with you people?" I said, irritated. "I'm a girl you guys."

They stopped paying attention to eachother and looked at me as if a lightbulb had just clicked in their heads. "Y-you are??" said Pesche. "We're real dummies, don'tcha know?" said the fat one.

"Good call, captain obvious," I said. "Wait! Who are you people, _what_ are you, and where am I and… _what_ am I and… what is going on… aaarg I'm all confused and—" I was interupted by a grumble from my furry abdomen. "—and why the hell do I feel so HUNGRY??""

"Woah, woah, calm down there. Just relax, ok?" said the thin hollow. "Ok, well I'm Pesche Guatische and—"And I'm Dondo Chakka, yansu!"

"Errr… does he _have_ to talk like that?"

"Hai!" Dondo Chakka soundly replied.

"Whatever. I'm Neliel Tu Oderschank," I introduced myself. "and… I just died a few days ago… I think. Some weird guys in glasses did something funny to my chest and then I went psyco or something. Oh yeah, I think he pulled the chain out."

"Wha??!" came from Pesche, looking shocked, and Dondo Chakka, who said, "B-but… why would anyone do somethin' like dat?"

"Yeah," Pesche followed up agreeably. "Why would anyone want to turn someone into a hollow? He wasn't a hollow right? Just a normal guy?"

"Look, I don't know, ok? Living people can't see us because we're dead or spirits, right? But this guy looked normal because he didn't have one of those chain things, and he wasn't a hollow—wait a minute, WHAT IS A HOLLOW? Am I a hollow? I don't know anything!"

Frustrated with these people expecting me to know everything. I felt like the student who gets called up to the board to do a problem and completely makes a fool of himself by not knowing anything. But these two guys actually turned out to be nice and understanding, and Pesche explained things for me.

"You are a hollow. So are Dondo Chakka and I."

"Tha's right."

He then proceeded into a detailed explaination about death and spirits. A person is made of a spiritual body with a soul at the core. A human being is simply a human spirit attached to a physical body. Spiritual beings have power called reiatsu. Normally humans have no reiatsu, so they can't sense, hear, or see any spirits. The soul is only seperated from the body when the human's physical body dies. The spirits with chains on their chests are recently deceased humans. While the chain is there, a person's destiny is undecided and they have the potential to become a hollow, shinigami, or something else that they don't know much about. That's why it's called the 'chain of fate'. If the chain runs out, you will probably become a hollow. It decays faster if you are feeling anger, despair, or deep regret. You become a shinigami if another shinigami finds you and uses his zanpakutou to send you to the Soul Society. We don't know a lot about the Soul Society, just that the shinigami come from there. And they hate us hollows. They will kill you if they see you, and the ones in the living world have radar that can track down hollows. Pesche said he considers us three to be exceptions. Most hollows we encounter are mindless beasts. Because their souls are in a state of dissaray and chaos, most are unable to control themselves like other soul-types can. We also cannot use our zanpakutou, for it was broken and lost when we became hollows. Most hollows other than us are very violent and instinctive. I shuddered to think what I might have been doing before Dondo Chakka and Pesche helped me to regain control of my senses. Hollows in the human world have a nasty habit of eating plusses, humans with high reiatsu, and sometimes each other. There are even hollows that are born entirely from hollows eating eachother and merging into one giant, evil, blob of raw instinct called a Menos Grande.

"W-wait," I said nervously. "Does that mean that you guys… that you… you didn't eat other people did you?!" I suddenly felt like my life was now that of an wild carnivore thrown into a pit with other beasts to fight for my life.

"Oh, of course not!" said Pesche. "Listen to me, because people will tell you otherwise, but it is a total myth: hollows do NOT need to devour human souls in order to survive. There is a reason most do. Spiritual benigs require spiritual energy to live. Different types of souls need different amounts. Humans and plusses need almost none. Shinigami need some, and hollows need the most. Spirit energy is densly contentrated in living things, especially humans. That's why hollows kill other people in the living world for food, and also because for most people, the hollow transformation turns them really nasty, or simply out-of-control of their senses. So they go after humans out of anger, or just because they are the nearest thing. However, there are also large amounts of spirit energy in the food that humans eat. If you steal food from humans—hey, don't give me that look! It's better than killing them! And eat that, you will have enough energy to sustain you."

"Um… alright," too much information was pouring into my head at once. "Look, since you guys are my friends or something, why don't you help me with my little hunger problem here?" I pleaded. "A step ahead a ya, sista" said Dondo Chakka, reaching over me (I was still lying on my side) to introduce a cloth bundle. He opened it to reveal what looked like the previous contents of a bake shop. There were tons of cupcakes and cookies and brownies!

I shifted my body over to eat the yummies, but just with my face. I sort of stretched my neck over my shoulders while lying on my side. "Mmm, sorry," I mumbled after swallowing. "I'm not used to moving around like this."

"Oh really?" said Dondo Chakka. "But ya were—"

"Hush, hush, Dondo Chakka," said Pesche quickly. "We'll get to that later. Neliel-san, don't worry about it, just eat as much as you like."

I ignored my guilt and embarrassment, and ate to my heart's, I mean stomach's, content.

"Thank you so much," I said when I was done.

"Now, try standing and moving around," Pesche said. I tried, but I had a hard time manuvering my legs into a standing position from where I was. I wiggled my body to move myself next to a wall, and scooted up agaisnt it so that I was standing on all four of my hooved legs, leaning agaisnt the wall for support. I found I could lock my knees and keep my balance with my legs quite far apart. Using my tail helped to. My tail was black swishy, and longer than a horse's, but not extremely long like a cat. Later when I got a chance to see a mirror, I learned I also had horns on my head that were part of my mask. I looked all-around like a goat, but I was more muscular and filled out than most real goats. The shape of my face under the mask, as far as I could tell, had not changed very much, except that I no longer had long, human hair coming from my head.

I took me a few minutes of experimenting and I was able to walk pretty comfortably, without needing to brace my stance all the time to keep my balance. I could rear up into bipedal position for a few seconds, and kick back with my hind legs. Eventually, I got the hang of running, too.

"Are you two going to stay with me?" I asked, wondering what was to happen next. The two looked at eachother for a moment. Dondo Chakka looked at Pesche as if urging him to agree. Pesche answered me seriously, "It's your decision, Neliel-san. You are the one with the power in this position."

"What… are you talking about?" I said, confused. These two had saved my soul—they were weaker than me?

Pesche dropped to his knees in front of me, as if bowing to a queen, and Dondo Chakka followed his lead. I blushed under my mask.

"Dondo Chakka and Pesche Guatische would be honored if you would allow us to follow you as your loyal companions," Pesche spoke so seriously, I almost felt like laughing at the sight!

"Um… you don't have to bow to me. Sure you can come with me," I said quickly, thoroughly embarrassed. They stood up, "Thank you very much, Neliel-sama!" they said.

"W-what? Just Nel is fine, you know."

"Hai, Nel-sama!" said Dondo Chakka cheerfully. Oh goody, I have humble servants now. I felt nervous before them. They seemed to believe that I possessed a great deal of power, but I didn't know how they found this out, or if it was true. I didn't even know anything of the extent of my abilities. I thought deeply… Was it possible that, before Pesche awakened me, while I was dreaming, I was actually awake and moving around on the outside, not aware of what I was doing? I had no sense of time… I estimated the time passed to have been about a day, or two, but there was no way to know if I could trust my own instincts, not even knowing the extent of my own power. So I came to a decision.

"Alright you two," I said, as leader-like as I could. "There is something I need to find out, so… let's go." And with my two new companions, the three of us left the large, empty building and walked out to an area that was near a seaport. I did not recognize the area, which gave me the suspicion that getting to this place was my own unconcious doing.

"Whaddaya wanna know?" Dondo Chakka asked. "I… I want to know the date," I said lamely but truthfully. Thinking back as hard as I could, the morning I woke up and discovered my death was Wednesday, August 27. Since I had slept two nights after that, the day I became a hollow must have been the morning of Friday, the 29th.

I spotted a nearby office building, and we went inside. I trotted up to the front desk, where a short-haired female receptionist sat reading a document, completely oblivious to the dangerous people invading her office. I looked at the day-by-day flipbook calender on her desk, trying to understand.

Friday, September 5th. One week had passed between me becoming a hollow, and Pesche waking me up. I turned around and marched back outside, standing still in the front courtyard in front of the building. My companions stopped beside me, silent.

"It's been a week since the last time I can remember before I became a hollow," I explained. "Please tell me… what have I been doing?" I tried not to let it show in my voice, but I was afraid of what I was about to hear.

"Well actually, Dondo Chakka and I only met ya last night," said Pesche. "There was this huge hollow, and it was going to eat us two."

"But den you came in an' saved us two, yansu!" said Dondo Chakka, cheerfully. "Ya shot this thing that was kinda like a cero, but not quite a cero, but you kicked 'im where it counts and you took a good bite outa his mask. And then he was dead, yansu!"

"Yes, but then you turned on us and looked like you might attack us, so we caught you off guard and knocked you out. We could tell you didn't have control of yourself, because you didn't speak, just growled and roared. This morning, we managed to wake you up, so that's how us three are here together now."

"I see," I said. "Before you woke me, I was having this really weird dream. But I had no idea that a whole week had elapsed during that time. In anycase, thank you again for saving me!"

"No need to thank us, Nel-sama!" said Dondo Chakka cheerfully. "That's right," said Pesche. "This sort of assistance is only natural to expect from your fracción!"

"Uh… ok," I said, still uncomfortable with my 'status'. "Wait, did you say fracción? What's that?"

"Hollows usually call lower hollows who serve them their fracción."

"Alright… what am I your battle commander?" I asked, half-jokingly.

"That's right!"

"de yansu!"

"Well, I just hope I didn't do anything bad while I was… insane."

"It ain't your fault if you did, ya know?"

"Yeah, you're right. Thanks Dondo Chakka." He smiled at being adressed by his name from me.

We passed the day wandering around, talking, as I got to know my new companions better. Dondo Chakka was freaky looking, but he was funny and really nice once you got to know him. He had some sort of fetish for gangster-clowns, but I've accepted that. Pesche was calm and understanding, just the sort of attitude and person I needed to help me through this time in my life. He was good at explaining things about hollows and spirits, putting in as many details as he could. Pecshe struck me as the more intelligent and witty of the two. Dondo Chakka was like a little brother, looking up to him, but he did have a good heart.

Both of them were pretty silly, and they had a long history together. They had actually been brothers, living in Indonesia before they died in a tsunami a few years ago. They washed up on shore as plusses in Japan. Presently, Dondo Chakka was 25 years old, and Pesche was 28 years old. After some time, they had become hollows, managing to hold on to their consience because they had each other to help fill up the emptiness in their hearts. The same thing happened to me—because I had my friends, I wasn't lonely, so I didn't become angry and hateful at the world.

Pesche also had become skilled at detecting places that were favorable for hiding, since the two had avoided being killed by shinigami for a few years now. In general, places without a lot of humans would not have a lot of humans or shinigami. But there could always be a few around. The second trick is that within the same area with whatever average population, there could usually be found differences and waves in the concentration of reiatsu in the air, and Pesche knew how to find these areas and use them as safe places to sleep. Because of this, we were able to use that same old warehouse to sleep safely for the night.

The problem still remained with being hollows in the real world. Later we would think about how to escape to a better place, but for now, just having each other was enough. Through the most unlikely circumstances, a chance encounter and a lucky move, these strange new peoeple, Dondo Chakka and Pesche, had become to me… nakama.

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for anyone who doesnt know.. nakama means something in between friend and comrade, but it has a very deep meaning.

also... my interperetation of the anatomy of spiritual beings may be slightly different from other people's opinions, but I think it makes a lot of sense and is consistant with the information provided by the series. This is why I included the explanations. I tried to make them concise. Also, this is almost like an alternate Bleach told from Nel's perspective, like the whole show where the audience learns about everything from a hollow's perspective instead of from a shinigami's. in the beginning rukia explains about hollows... "we dont even fully understand them." now its hollows who dont fully understand themselves or shinigami. that's why re-explaining everything adds a lot to the story. I just realized all that now.. . 


	8. Chapter 8

Er… four-legged flight mammals fighting humans with swords is kind of hard to think of how that works… But Nel is a goat, what else can I do? There will be arrancars soon, so don't worry. This is getting a little bit out of the day-to-day account and more of the "here's something important that happened within this span of X years / months" also I'm just getting lazy and I'll choose a title for this chapter later P

* * *

Dondo Chakka and Pesche grew on me to be the best friends I have ever known. They were a little weird, but I never knew such awesome people when I was alive. But alive is also just a label and doesn't mean what it sounds. It was during those times when we were having fun and laughing together, I felt more 'alive' than I ever had living the daily grind in high school, my previous life. 

By the time October came and went, I could already fire off a small cero. It only took me a short while to perfect it.

It also took quite some experimentation oand practice with my new body. I didn't have claws or sharp body parts, and biting wasn't very practical. Actually most of my teeth were pretty flat (because I'm an herbivore! ). I mostly stuck to kicking and skull-bashing, which were surprisingly effective. My skull mask was hard and thick. The coarse, bone-like material and thick horns made it an especially good weapon against creatures with soft skin. My hooves, on the other hand, were surprisingly hard and heavy, as if they were made out of lead. But overall, my body as a hollow was really not very good for combat. I mostly relied on cero and my spiritual pressure, which I soon learned was way above the normal range, and it continued to increase as I grew stronger as well.

As hollows, life was hard and brutally unfair at times, but from the perspective of active young people like us, it was also exciting! Definitely not a lifestyle for the faint-of-heart and weak-of-mind. Anyone without the will to fight and keep living, even at the expense of other's lives would never survive what we have. On average, we encountered aggressive hollows 2-3 times a week. We were as careful as we could be in avoiding Shinigami, but we did occasionally have a knock-in with them. Usually I just defeat them and we run away, so if they call in re-enforcements, by that time we are long gone.

We were having fun some dry December afternoon, setting off fireworks in the park. Suddenly, I felt a reiatsu (by this time, I had learned most of the conventional names for things) different than a hollow's, and more similar to a human's, but much stronger.

My companions noticed it right away and looked up to the same building that I was. And at the top of the 20 story hotel, on the edge of the roof, there was a figure, silhouetted black against the bright, sunny sky.

"N-nel, that's—" Pesche started.

"What? What is it?"

"It's one o' dem Shinigamis!" said Dondo Chakka.

"Come on, let's get out of here!" said Pecshe, but I already knew it was too late.

As soon as we turned to leave, the Shinigami was suddenly in front of us. It was a young girl with dark skin and curly bouncy hair up in two buns. She looked actually a bit younger than me, and a little shorter than me, but she had a hard, determined look in her large, bright eyes. I wished for a moment that I didn't have to fight her. I had a fleeting notion of how nice we might have been as friends, if we weren't destined to fight one another. I quickly locked away such feelings.

"Pesche! Dondo Chakka!" I shouted commandingly. "Please leave this to me," I said.

"Ya sure?" asked Dondo Chakka, and Pesche seemed unsure.

"Yes. I'll handle this."

"Don't worry!" I said, smiling. I turned my attention to my confronter.

"Who are you?" I demanded.

"Yeesh, a talking goat!" she exclaimed.

"So what?!" I shot back proudly.

"Look, I don't have time to deal around with freaks like you. But, since you're going to die soon, I may as well answer your question," she said with a smirk, placing a hand on the sheath at her waist, and the other on the handle of her zanpakutou, gripping it tightly. The way her fist closed around the hilt told me that her confidence was in part an act—part of her method of dealing with the emotions of battle, something every warrior develops in some form.

"Nakashima Jean, of the 10th division… Now, _die, hollows!!_"

All three dispersed as she struck the ground where I was just standing with her sword. I tried to hit her as she was getting up, but she was quick. She kept me moving around in circles while dodging stabs and swings. She back up and chanted something: "Hadou no 4 [shi Byakurai!" (A/N I know that's wrong, someone please correct me...) The bolt hit me square in the chest, knocking me down, but I got up quickly and dodged as she came back around with her zanpakutou.

My body was all tingly feeling from the lightening, and being furry did not help too much. I jumped back to show her a piece of my own "magic". I charged up a cero inside my mouth and opened to release it at her.

Jean was not at all expecting me to be capable of cero, and since I didn't let her see me charge it until it was done, I was able to hit her full-blast. She fell to one knee, panting with burn marks all over her skin.

"H-how! How can you do cero?!" she gasped.

"Dunno. I'm just special, I guess," I said. "But if I defeat you, it won't matter."

"Heh, don't talk as if you know what you are up against," she said, gripping her zanpakutou tightly with both hands, supporting her body off of the ground. I could vaguely sense that she was gathering light reiatsu around herself.

"Nel, be careful!" yelled Pesche. "She is going to use her shikai!"

"Shikai? What—"**Jump, Shirappon! **[白本, source of white

I was blown back by a white explosion, although it had a large area but was relatively weak. I stood firmly on the ground and felt as if my fur stood on end. She came at me slashing and swinging furiously with her blade charged with electricity.

She didn't land a single hit on me, but I got shocked whenever I stepped on metal places on the ground. I started charging up a cero, and shot it at her. But instead of trying to dodge, she put her zanpakutou straight out and absorbed the entire energy! I caught on quickly to what she might do next. I side-stepped smoothly as she flung my attack back at me, but I realized she was gone. I reacted immediately when I felt a sharp pain in my side, but did not move quickly enough to avoid being wounded.

Well, Jean got a lucky hit on me that one time. She was a little bit faster than me, overall, and she sometimes used an annoying ability to disappear like a flash (which Pesche later told me was called Shunpo, a shinigami footwork technique).

But she was predictable, and didn't have a very large variety of attacking styles. I was pretty quick to catch on, and once I could tell just when she was going to be open, I hit her with a cero, and bashed her with my horns when she was recovering.

Nakashima Jean fell down unconscious, with blood seeping out of a wound on her head. As the active hormones of battle faded from my system, I realized a more fearsome warrior might have used his hoof to crush her skull and finish her off, but I felt no such desire. The thought of becoming that kind of person was scary. We three quickly bound her worst wound, so she wouldn't bleed to death. Maybe it was naïve and foolish, something a young fighter feels and learns to shake off as battles harden her soul. Well, if being that kind of person makes me a newbie, I am just fine with that. So long as I can still face my friends without shame, and look at myself without regret.

Dondo Chakka and Pesche assured me that Jean would be alright, because the shinigami function as a military force, very organized, and they would find her and send help quickly. For the same reason, we left the scene quickly before we were found and destroyed by a dozen more like her. Because what we grudgingly admitted to ourselves was that she was only a foot soldier, and the shinigami were truly capable of continuing to send people to wipe us out, and eventually we would be facing opponents that were way beyond our level.

That was the first shinigami I ever fought. We did encounter several others, and sometimes making it out alive required some dirty tactics. I didn't fight them all by myself. Actually the three of us often fought as a team, but I kept growing in power at a calm, but rock steady pace. We tried to move around a lot, so we wouldn't become known (that one group of hollows that no one has managed to kill yet. The deadly trio! Can anyone defeat them?). We really didn't feel like dealing with that sort of infamy.

We still had much to learn, and the main goal was where to go next. I soon learned that Dondo Chakka and Pesche had a good start on the answer, and it was only a matter of progress.

* * *

And this one was 3 pages. I know length doesn't mean anything to you guys probably, but to me it's interesting to look back quantitatively and say wow that's how much I wrote. This story I really intend to finish, I hope anyone who is reading it will not give up on me and yes, it is really necessary for me to show the way the zanpakutou's name is written and create a Japanese name that has a meaning.

oh, and apparently the site engine has something against closing brackets.


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